I'm getting to the point where I want to get off the phone with him as fast as possible when he calls, because it's either to be upset at me, or to explain what his day was likewhich results in conversations based around "I went shopping, then I had lunch, then I played a board game with my family, then I had dinner" (etc. Good for you. His sister hates me, calls me names. That might be a good way to break through the obstacles. Be clear how you what you want your boyfriend to stand up for you. I dont think he ever has against anyone, especially his mom. I just want to tell him to grow up, and end the call there and then, not spend half an hour coaxing out of him what's wrong. From hair trends to relationship advice, our daily newsletter has everything you need to sound like a person whos on TikTok, even if you arent. And im so scared hes never coming back to me and im so in love and only want him. No way should you be coaxing him out of his funk, or whatever. Thank you for your comments on what she should do when her boyfriend doesnt stand up for her, Valerie! And, try these tips for coping with a boyfriend who chooses his family or friends over you. I don't know if he realises that he's doing it; it doesn't come accross as intentional when he switches the focus back to him - but obviously, it has the same effect. Give him time and space to think and you take time, as well. You love your boyfriend, but how can you be with a guy who cant or wont defend you? The goal here, is he needs to be able to assert himself, and to be free to choose. And his response to that was, characteristically: Nothing. Do I just hang up and let him call back when he's ready to talk, do I wait it out and not offer him the comfort? I know it's perhaps tactless to say "he's just a guy, you'll find another one", but seriously, if he gets on your nerves that much, perhaps it's time for someone to tell you that he's just a guy, you'll find another one, a better one. By subscribing to this BDG newsletter, you agree to our. And my solution to this is to cheat and find a man that will. If you stand up for yourself in these casesby either screaming or yelling, or crying or confronting the person. The group returns to their seats, and Elle goes on to prove Brookes innocence. And then itll be difficult for the boyfriend to find his boundaries back, even if it gets really bad. Maybe he doesnt. :-). Guess what? I can tell you from personal exp Continue Reading 155 2 5 Sajeev Rajan Anyway my boyfriend and i have been together 18 months and this same guy happens to have worked with him. Yes, I understand that, and yes - when he does get upset, he gets more upset than normalbut it gets to the point where I feel like I'm looking after a child, not that I'm in a relationship. Worse is that your boyfriend doesnt stand up for you, and I suspect there isnt anything you can do to change your boyfriends childs mind or opinion about you. I meanwhy don't I just talk to my wall instead? Being strong and confident as a woman does not mean your boyfriend should let his friends or family walk all over you. 3.5K views, 194 likes, 7 loves, 2 comments, 6 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Graveyard Carz: 1969 Road Runner exhaust And he does not stand up for you, not even thn. The problem is hes Muslim and Im not and his family doesnt accept that. I really need help and hope you can help. Be really careful with that guy. I couldnt believe it. evenworse Families are complicated, and their interactions are caused by so many different factors. Frankly he does not sound emotionally healthy enough to have a successful relationship. I feel that he just doesnt care about my feelings enough to defend me. It is impossible to change the dynamics once they are set. The more you fight it, the worse itll get. I broke up with him after a year and a half thinking "Oh, my God, how could I have dated this guy for so long?" We're just starting a year of long distance, and I'm very dubious about it working out right now. My friends have told me not to care about what his sister thinks of me but I am afraid that this could possibly never rectifying itself. If you can accept that your boyfriend doesnt stand up for you, you might be happier in your relationship with him. By letting her walk all over him, it affects me too. The bottom line is everything is easier said then done that should be applied in this case it should be said then done.easy as that, dont tolerate complications from a family member. honey you need to be friends with me. He has a I definitely tainted family, who may very well be dangerous, psychotic and, controlling, passive aggressive and really vindictive. He's an opinionated, intelligent guy. He doesn't make a sound . I cant sleep or nothing im so sick worrying if he will still be with me. I get along famously with his family and adore his mother and grandmother. Ive told my boyfriend about it and he says it doesnt matter what they say he still loves me. Tell him nicely and calmly, "I understand you are upset right now, and do not want to talk to me. Either he has no back bone and can only get by on their approval or he just loves the security of his family and culture more than he loves me. I admire your courage and strength, Blair! Then yesterday I was reading his text with his friend from work and he was saying all of these mean things about me and my boyfriend didnt stick up for me once even when his friend was telling my boyfriend that he wants my boyfriend to be with this other girl. If he thinks he is suffering from hereditary depression then he needs to be diagnosed. It's a deliberate decision to act that way, so the consequences aren't anything you're inflicting on him. It makes me feel third best, and miserable. One thing that keeps going through my mind is something my boyfriend told me over a year ago about how his son needed to be on board with us before we can move forward. I know I should end it but I feel stuck. Also he lasts about 10 seconds before he comes which leaves me feeling frustrated and rejected. A lot of times he just talk without thinking and has said some insulting things to me as a joke and his behaviour changed dramatically. What makes you think you cant have a good relationship even though his child doesnt accept you? It hurts me so much when I cant be with him or he cant be with me during important times in our lives. Told him to stay away from me. 2023 BDG Media, Inc. All rights reserved. He Plants Seeds of Doubt. I was always cranky, I snapped at my friends every five minutes and I wouldn't take 80% of my calls because it was usually him. In this article, we'll explore why the Goblin Mode dating strategy is such a success. And sometimes the problem with good men is that they want to make everyone happy. But just let me assure you one more time that, if you decide to take this step, there are many optimistic, happy young men out there just waiting to make life easier and more fun for you. I ended up cheating on him because even though I told him I no longer loved him and I wanted to be apart he STILL denied it. Just stay away from him. And im worried maybe she threatened him he wont get any if he dont stay away from me. Believe it or not, many men fear emotionally-driven conversations that leave them open to their vulnerabilities. My boyfriend will not stand up for me and I am trying to decide if he's in the wrong or not. He may not be aware of the situation it wasnt made clear in the post. Why does he do it to me but not her? A lot of times he just talk without thinking and has said some insulting things to me as a joke. Facing challenges together will be nearly impossible without offering mutual support. His mom alway call him to go visit her dont get me wrong it ok but all the time tho ??? Are you hesitant to be honest with your boyfriend? I'm Laurie, creator of Uprooted She Blossoms and author of Growing Forward When You Can't Go Back. Its an overlooked moment because it seems obvious: Emmett would always stand up for Elle. You have your whole life ahead of you. Being around him is never fun. You cant lecture or nag your boyfriend to change, and you cant pray your problems away. some guy like you mentioned???. I had asked if I could have a talk with his friends and he said no. Hes very supportive in some things ..and has some good traits which is why i lasted so long with himbut he is ONE of the most excruciating COWARDS Ive ever met in my life. Because for the other things, theres a way to fix that. I think today was the first time I've been actually entirely non sugar-coated with what I have to say to him, and I'm hoping that when we talk about it tomorrow, he'll actually have something to say about itbut who knows. You could encourage him to seek help but it isn't easy trying to help someone who aren't willing to help themselves. Although he talks negatively about me. (this sounds awfully familiar to your post). Are You Jealous When Your Boyfriend Talks to His Ex? I never did anything to her to hate me and i dont know wat to do. Focus on changing the only person you have control over: you. He never sticks up for me and never has my back for nothing! INeedHelp It shouldnt be a personal issue at all. Focus on changing the only person you have control over: you. "It should be said that being romantically involved with someone doesn't always mean that you take their side," Graber says. The effect will be that FIL thinks its accepted to make those jokes and will slowly make them worse. But it does involve offering support and listening to your partner's perspective on the situation." He doesn't even try to. Who knows, maybe if you talk more, he'll come around. And, Im sure the poor guy has to deal with all the drama and deceit about his own family (over money) EW!!! I dated a guy like this for 5 years. 6. But the man in that relationship is very controlling and very opinionated. He is a bonifide pussy. I was unemployed at the time and was trying my best to get a job was money was tight for me. Ive been with him 13 yearsalso I have a lot of ties I have to break with him b4 I can do that. I know it will always haunt me but I dont have a choice, Im as good as married as it is, just the paperwork is all thats missingso Im just venting. He can't stand up for himself, he just closes up and does nothing. Manage Settings Otherwise though he is a good boyfriend. Maybe your boyfriends mom is judgmental, his sister cold, or his friends rude. A controlling boyfriend, however, always has a way of making you feel like you aren't good enough. Of course, he doesn't have to be TOO optimistic, because that can become annoying or even dangerous in situations like "Hmmm out of condoms. I am sometimes also a little prone to depression and, when I was down, he did nothing but depress me even more. Well it depends on the situation. It may come off as giving practical advice, but in reality, he's just being negative. I love him to death !!! And she ran and told her family. Ideally I'd have a boyfriend who is also a bit protective but my boyfriend tends to not to be at all. He's a great listener and gives great advice and he was the one who taught me to take things lightly and not stress about every problem because life is short and it can be amazing if we allow it. 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